Music Diary

Music that made me

Hello, dear reader

A larger music streaming service turned 20 earlier this month and released the list of the users most streamed songs.

Now, I only started streaming a few years ago. Call me old fashion, but I love CDs and Vinyl’s… So I didn’t get on the streaming train as early as most others have.

But going through the songs on my playlist and reminiscing about the time of my life I heard them most often—I thought this could be turned into a fun little Substack series.

I won’t go through all the songs, but some stand out ones, including some of the lines that impacted me the most.

I am a poet after all…

So—here we go!

What I’ve Done by Linkin Park – 144 streams

This song was so important to me before the streaming era. If regular plays would count, this song would easily have more than a thousand streams. The single was released after the famous Numb/Encore and before the masterpiece that is Bleed It Out.

It’s a single from their album Minutes to Midnight.

The main lines from the chorus mixed with Chester Benningtons voice, still gives me chills. Even after all these years.

What I’ve done, I’ll face myself

To cross out what I’ve become

Erase myself

And let go of what I’ve done

A little fun fact, for those of you who have read my book Riptide. There’s a page long poem about writing a goodbye letter to ones own happiness. It was inspired by the opening of this song: “there’s no blood, there’s no alibi”.

Towards the Water by Pa Sheehy – 109 streams

This song is so special to me. It’s from one of my all time favourite albums Maybe It Was All For This which was released in 2024.

If you know anything about my music taste, you know I love a dash of melancholy. And these lines are simplistic but hold so much about how I’ve been feeling for this season of life lately:

I don’t know where I’ll go but I’m going
I don’t know where I’ll go but I’m going

My whole writing journey has been about letting out onto paper what I otherwise can’t express. And I often (okay, maybe most of the time) have no clue where this is all going.

But I am not stopping.

No Regrets by Sugababes – 87 streams

A song from the first album the original Sugababes line up released after years of fighting for their band name back.

Every book I’ve ever written has had an album I had on repeat while I was working on the last few edits. And this 2022 release was the soundtrack to the edits on my book Under the Same Vast Sky—my book about grief. This album is by no means a sad one or takes on grief.

But this song in particular helped me get through some of the painful edits.

I don’t wanna feel like I’m hiding
Don’t wanna listen to silence
No I, I choose life
It’s okay, it’s alright I’m on fire
Cause now I have everything I desire
Yeah I, I choose life
I choose life

My grief held me in the past and writing my book helped me release some of the pain. And this song reminded me that I choose life, too.

One of my all time fave song lyrics is from this song too:

No heart is hollow, what’s past is intro

Unsettled Down by Morgan St. Jean – 7290 streams – my most streamed song

There really wasn’t a chance I would make a post about music that made me and not include Morgan.

Also, a friends response to me sharing the streams on this song was: SEVEN TOUSAND

And yes… in my defense I was going though it last year, okay?

This was the theme song of my life for a season I am glad I have left behind. It’s from the Rich Man EP released in 2021.

I fell in love with this song the first time I hears the lines

Filled my head
But not my hands

Because as someone who was born little with big dreams (yes this is a Raye song reference) it just sums up so much of who I am.

But Imma build a house out of broken pieces
Imma make a home from my best laid plans
Cause I’m unsettled down
Unsettled down
Imma fall in love with my oldest demons
Have a littlе fun while I’m undone ya
Cause I’m unsеttled down
Unsettled down

Maybe a part of me will always be unsettled down. And that’s okay.

With Love,

Ella

PS. If you want to read more about music that made me I would love to make this into a series. Just let me know!